Top ten things I missed about Texas.

10) Texas-sized parking spaces. If you can't back your F-350 into it, it's not a parking space. 'Compact' spaces will fit an F-250. What's the point if Grandma can't get her Cadillac in on the first try? Priuses are for pinko commies from Austin. REAL MEN GUZZLE GAS.

9) The churching. I think I passed about twelve in Muleshoe alone. First Baptist, First Methodist, Church of Christ, Catholic Iglesias, little Bible churches, etc., etc. Texans wear their faith on their sleeve. It's a little overwhelming at first, but at least you know where you stand. And where you stand is about two lots away from God, at any given moment.

8) Terms of endearment are for everyone. Sugar, hon, sweetheart, these are all valid substitutes for sir, ma'am, you over there, and just about anything else.

7) The accents! I understand why non-native Texans start at a disadvantage. It's hard to get by when you can't decipher the slang. "She's just so very Dallas" carries a WORLD of meaning all by itself.

6) People will talk to anybody about anything. Conversation is not optional. In Seattle, folks looked at me like I had a second head when I tried to chat with the cashier. Here, it's rude not to.

5) Men in uniform. I know, I know. I'm debauched.

4) NICE. I missed it. A manager at Starbucks comped my coffee when he realized I'd have to wait for it. It's not store policy anymore (DUMB), but his nice got the better of him. Oh, and I got a free mini-scone, too. NICE. It can't be overrated.

3) Being ogled. In Seattle, you'd never when you're being looked at. It's weak, Seattleites! Step up your game. In San Antonio, I got whistled at by a pro. At Starbucks, a cowboy tipped his hat to me and winked. Walking down Soledad street, I got the up-and-down plus a little weird kissy noise. Was it borderline offensive? Yes, yes it was. Was it ambiguous? Subtle as a freight train.

2) Spanish! I didn't realize how much I missed hearing it spoken on the streets. To me, it's as much a part of Texas as the weather.

1) The landscape. It's big. Flat plains of grass, hills of mesquite, green rivers, and mesas studded with wind turbines overlooking oil fields. It's epic in every single way.